Alright, no Re|engage last week either. I was getting sick and opted to stay home. And then…the full force of the flu happened. Thankfully, this post was in my head long ago and written for another day but evidently today is that day!
Sharing real stuff from my heart. You have been warned!
I think there might just be a few ladies out there who can identify with my struggle. Enter body image. Has this ever been your struggle? If so, you’re in the right place today because I have struggled with this for longer than I care to admit. Working through the issues of body image can improve our overall well-being and that’s a good thing.
Is it hard to love yourself or your body? Can you learn to be satisfied or content? I know it’s a process and can take time to accept yourself especially the self that is a reflection in the mirror.
In the days when I grew up without the bombardment of social media and openness that readily exists today, I don’t think I was aware how women treated their bodies in order to look slim and attractive. I for one never realized how models may have been suffering physically in order to have the “perfect” look for the runway. It wasn’t discussed and I never gave it much thought. I just wanted to look like them. Today it’s a whole new world. Look no further than the last season of Project Runway to see how culture is now learning and striving to embrace women of all sizes.
Although where we are currently and continue to move in the future can be a good place it doesn’t always erase the practices and acceptances of the past. That battle in the mind and mirror is not necessarily an easy mountain to conquer.
Well, this has been my struggle in the past and present. To be honest, by the medical standards I would be considered underweight. A normal weight for me today at this age would actually be what I weighed when I was nine months pregnant according to the charts I’ve read. That is a hard concept for me to reconcile and accept. I’m not sure I’ll ever agree with those numbers and embrace them fully, but I am currently at a higher weight than I have been in the last 5-7 years. Honestly, I am struggling with that just a bit.
But in that struggle a few health issues have also arisen that beg for me to change the way I eat and exercise. When you hear that you are feeding your body too much protein and stressing your kidneys, you begin to listen. When you hear continuing down that path could set you up for renal failure, you begin to get scared and motivated to change. When you also are told the nervous system needs carbohydrates you know it’s serious that you aren’t consuming enough. Kidneys, nervous system…not things I want to ignore. But I have to conquer my mind and the mirror should my weight continue to rise with a different diet and most likely less strenuous exercise. I do know this: workout supplements and powdered protein will not be a daily indulgence for me. Good bye to those and hello to more healthy carbs and fats on the daily.
To be honest, this is not fitting into My Happiness Project as I envisioned. Although commandment number one is *Be Carrie and number two is *Be defined by God, not the World. I’m left to discover her in a new way that makes me a little uncomfortable. Yet, this is all for my good and I cannot buy my health but I can make changes to repair and prevent problems. This is my healthy well-being focus.
A picture paints a 1,000 words, right? I thought I would share a few photos from the blog during 2014. I’m probably at my lowest weight, which I know was probably not very healthy.
Those pictures are not me today and I’m reminding myself that is a good thing!
I’m also remembering *Be Defined by God, and not the World. The Lord says this about me:
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well. ~ Psalm 139:14
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. ~ Proverbs 31:30
The Lord does not look at the things people look at.People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. ~ 1 Samuel 16:7
What do I need to remember? The Lord has made my body in a wonderful manner, honoring Him is of far greater worth than worldly beauty and He is looking at the condition of my heart. Bottom line ~ my inside needs to good and right with Him and that will reflect on the outside. That beauty is never fleeting!
Having said all that, I’m glad I’m not lamenting that those jeans no longer would fit me if they were still in my closet. Moving on, sisters! Hope you’ll be with me on this journey. It could get crAzY!
Be blessed, friends! ~ Carrie
Where I’m linking up.
Donna says
I have struggled with body image most of my teenage and adult life. In the past, I have been bulimic and thought it was an acceptable way to “get to where I wanted to be”! Truth, I was using the “being healthy/fit” excuse as a cover for my control issues. Whenever I could not control circumstances in my life, the one thing I COULD control was my weight and what I ate. I have recovered but like so many addictions, you are never fully recovered. When my mom was sick and dying, I reverted back to the strict calorie reduction and over exercising. Its hard not to have those anxious feelings when a pant size goes up or a pound goes on but with God’s help, accountability and supportive friends we both can keep this in check.
Carrie says
Hi Donna! Thank you for stopping by, reading and leaving this heartfelt comment. The truth I know is that we will all struggle in many ways while we walk this earth. The Lord is faithful and He will walk with you through this of that I am certain. I’m here for you too, sister. Feel free to email me through the contact form if you need support/encouragement. Blessings!
Whitney @ Whitney à la mode says
Oh friend! I needed this SO MUCH today! How did you know? I’m feeling at an ultimate low despite my decision to commit to Intuitive Eating. It’s just so hard to reject the notion of losing weight and feeling thin as opposed to just being healthy! But I think that you are a beautiful human being inside and out no matter what the scale says or how your clothes fit. I’m happy that you are in this world!
Carrie says
I’m so glad this was helpful to you, friend! I love you dearly and want you to succeed on every front of your life. Hugs!
Bron says
Hi Carrie, my whole adult life I have struggled with weight issues – the issue for me is trying to put on weight. We are constantly told to embrace all shapes and sizes, but I feel us slim people are treated with less respect.. I am sick of people asking me if I have an eating disorder and pretty much ordering me to eat more! Why is it okay for larger ladies to be called ‘curvy’ but us slim people are treated to such derogatory terms as ‘stick insects’ ‘waif life’ and so on? Anyhow, just wanted to add my 2 cents to the discussion. Oh and hello from Melbourne, Australia!
Carrie says
I’m so sorry for your experiences. I also know the struggle with feeling judged because of my size. I am no longer going to apologize and be pressured by those who feel they need to tell me how I should look or weigh. Be free in who you are friend! So glad you shared your comment. Blessings!
Lori says
Carrie, you are just beautiful and so it will not matter if you were to gain a little, which you may not! I don’t think it’s possible for you to just not be amazing! You are beautiful inside and out and that great inside stuff shines through. Good job taking care of You and good luck in this new adventure. You do look much better now than in 2014- just saying. 🙂
Carrie says
Lori, thank you for always being my cheerleader and encouraging me. I’m so thankful to have you hear and reading. I hope you are blessed through this little blog.
Cindy's FTD Journey says
Thank you for sharing your personal thoughts! You are helping many more people than you know with this post. I know I have struggled with weight and wanting to be perfect. This reminds me to love myself the way that I am. Thank you again for sharing from your heart! You are beautiful and amazing!
Carrie says
Thank you, Cindy! One of my greatest joys is to be real in the hopes that it is in fact helpful to others. I appreciate your kind words of encouragement.
momofsbandeg says
I have recently started following your blog because I love your sense of style and your posts in general. My struggle at this season of my life is the need to make exercise a habit in my life and eat less sugar. My control issue began when my best friend of 20+ years lost her battle with cancer. We had seen each other through our children being babies, toddlers and teenagers. She was my closest friend (outside of my husband). The void she left in my life was massive. My destructive thought process was: I can’t control what happens but I can at least eat something that tastes good.
Needless to say I am now unhealthy. I need to commit to making decisions that improve my health. I have this one body. I’ve been praying that the Lord would help me to make better decisions in regards to my food habits and exercise.
Thank you for being transparent about real life. We all have struggles. With each other’s encouragement we can become who we are made to be.
Carrie says
Thank you so much for reading my blog and following along the journey. I am so sorry to hear about your best friend. I cannot image that sadness. It must be just overwhelming. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and His strength can and will help you on your journey to process and work through your loss. If you need a listening ear, please feel free to email me through the contact tab. Be blessed dear one!