Well, friends, should that title really even exist? Negative communication is the opposite direction in which to travel in marriage but it does happen. There are underlying reasons why negative communication can take place in marriages or even other relationships.
A few of the factors that hinder good communication are:
–insecurity
–immaturity
–fear
–self-protection
Wait! Sometimes it’s hard to believe what is at the bottom of negative communication. We adults shouldn’t struggle with any of these factors mentioned above, but being human means that we do even when we are way past the official adult age of 21. The antidote for these factors is, of course, love. Within the bounds of real love, fear dissipates. Real love is accepting and understanding of the other person in a relationship. It provides the grace to accept the other person so there is safety to communicate freely. That security breaks down the walls of negative communication.
What are a few styles of negative communication?
–withdrawing
–negative interpretation
–escalation
–invalidating
Such ugly stuff that shuts down communication and stifles another person. These methods are forms of punishment and when used reveal the immaturity level of the one imposing them. Maturity allows for freedom to speak even when one person does not like what other is saying or disagrees. The marriage partners will not always agree on everything and that is truly okay but acting out in immaturity and using negative communication will not move the marriage forward but instead stifle its growth.
Do you find communicating well with others a challenge? Can you identify yourself in any way with the factors that hinder good communication? Do you use any of the negative communication tactics? If so, here are some tips to help move your communication in a healthier way.
Practice Speaker/Listener techniques:
Rules for Speaker: Speak for yourself. Don’t mind read. Don’t go on and on. Stop and let the listener paraphrase.
Rules for Listener: Paraphrase what you hear. Don’t rebut. Focus on what the speaker is saying.
Rules for Both: The speaker has the floor. Speaker keeps the floor while the listener paraphrases. Share the floor.
Remember this truth: My dear brothers, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. ~ James 1:19
I hope you {and me too} are able to put these things into practice in our marriages and other relationships.
Be blessed~ Carrie
Where I’m linking up.
Brooke says
This is such a great post! I’ve been making it a point in general to just listen. I have a bad habit in really most of my conversations; with my kids, my husband’s, my boss to be thinking and trying to interrupt before letting the other person speak. Especially important in marriage to let go of this bad habit!
Brooke
pumps and push-ups
Julie says
Great advice! I think that when a conversation in a marriage turns negative, we just need to step back from each other and come back to talk when both have cooled down for a bit.