Oh yeah, it has been a long time since I’ve written about marriage. If you’ve followed along in this series then you might recall my husband and I had committed to attending a marriage group called Re|engage. Re|engage consists of a Big Group with worship and testimonies and from there people break into other groups. We spent several weeks in the Open Group, which was not a full commit but rather a sampling of what a Closed Group would look like. We finally came to the place when we knew it was time to commit to a Closed Group. Within a couple of weeks, we were in it with five other couples plus our leaders. It has been a growing experience for us in our marriage. Let me share some insights.
The Closed Group will actually run for a total of 16 weeks. During that time there is a short lesson to complete each week. After each spouse completes their lesson, they discuss it together before going to the group for more discussion. What has been happening with us?
Well, for me I’ve come to realize I am not very comfortable with an outward confession. I can mull over all my failures in my head and relentlessly beat myself up while those thoughts are racing without mercy in my head and heart. From there it is a downward spiral to believe I’m an unlovable failure. I’m learning that outward confession is helpful to loosen the strangling strands of pride and self-protection. Those thoughts are not a true reflection of who I am in Christ and surely not from Him. You’ve heard it said that confession is good for the soul. Friends, this is absolutely true. Without confession, the shame, guilt, fear, etc. can run rampant and prevent moving forward and healing. Boy, do I know this is true. Boy, has it become more and more evident lately.
Do you like to fail? Me? Not so much. I’ve never looked at failing as learning experience. When my husband is working on a project {think building} and something doesn’t work, he looks at it as a learning moment to eliminate one option. I take failure too personal and don’t see it as a learning experience. This is merely one reason that confession has been so difficult for me. It’s a verbalization of a failure instead of an opportunity for grace. Pride eats up grace and that has been going on in my life for way too long.
Confession also opens the door to forgiveness. Forgiveness is balm used to begin the road to healing and restoration. This is not an automatic but a process over time. It’s also something that should be happening on the regular to keep a marriage on track.
Since confession and forgiveness typically go together, we have been doing much more of that lately in our home. Truth be told it is refreshing and building a better relationship. Bringing issues into the light squashes the darkness and its hold. Isn’t that a reason that Jesus came? To set the captives free so they can walk in the light and be a light. I’m hoping my light is beginning to shine again as I walk the path of confession and forgiveness.
What about you? How’s your light shining these days?
Be blessed, friends! ~ Carrie
Where I’m linking up.
Kellyann says
What a great experience and opportunity Carrie! Confession isn’t easy but it is necessary and freeing! Congratulations to you and your husband for taking the time to invest in your relationship and thanks for sharing and inspiring all of us. Rejengage sounds like a very worthwhile experience!
xo,
Kellyann
Carrie says
Thank you, Kellyann! I’m encouraged by your sweet comment.
john adams says
How wonderful to see someone writing a blog post so freely about their faith and also marriage. I hope the sessions work out, no matter how hard you find admitting failure. Failure doesn’t have to be negative. As you say it takes time to accept these things. Popped over from #brilliantblogposts
Carrie says
Thank you! I truly love to share honestly and from my heart. Thank you for stopping by and reading this post.
Whitney @ Whitney à la mode says
It sounds like you are really growing in this experience. How wonderful! I think Justin and I want to do some sort of counseling or program before we get married so we’re starting with the right foundation.
Carrie says
It has been the best experience so far. I did a little digging and this program is offered at a church in Grand Rapids. It would be great to go through to start off your marriage or even after your married.
Whitney @ Whitney à la mode says
How thoughtful of you to find that for us! I’m going to look it up and talk to Justin about it 🙂
bojanakrienke says
Wow. This is such a good exercise for all of us to go through in whatever relationships we are in, marriage, parenting, maybe even close friendships (I am not sure of that one though). I think we are much harder on ourselves and forgiveness of ourselves seems much more difficult than receiving forgiveness from the people we love. I know I forgive others much more quickly then I can forgive or move on from “failures” or moments I am not proud of. Lots to think about. Thanks.
Carrie says
Great point! I also have a hard time forgiving myself. Those perfectionist tendencies die a slow death.
Maureen O says
Great insight and perspective! I think we all define things differently for example success. For sure my husband and I define it differently but what makes it interesting though is not so much how it’s define but how we move forward with a lesson. Being able to communicate and say things out loud help us see each other’s perspective and also help us understand why we react the way we do.
Maureen | http://www.littlemisscasual.com
Cindy says
Oh how this is such a timely article for me today. Thanks so much for sharing!!!
Sheree Ho says
This is a great post, thank you for sharing so freely about your faith and marriage. I agree that failure doesn’t have to be negative, we can always find a positive in those situations!
~xo Sheree
poshclassymom.com
Shoes to Shiraz says
This little light of mine? Well, I’m gonna let it shine.