Good intentions. I have them, but sometimes my intentions and desires get tripped up by life. Such has been the story a few days into #write28days. I started and I intend to finish, but maybe it will look differently fleshed out then it did in my head. Regardless, I want to finish this challenge by stepping out of the box and being creative.
When I read the prompts leave, caring and tattered, I knew I wanted to write posts using those words. And then, I got behind so I decided to combine them into one post.
Leave. I could write a 1,000 page novel on all the leaving I’ve done in my life. Leave or quit. They have appeared often throughout the course of my days on planet Earth. It’s interesting how in the present I can look back and see how often I left or quit something. Those actions have ramifications. Those ramifications can haunt me to this day. Why? Well, I still have to force myself to not leave or quit when things aren’t easy.
Sometimes I wonder why I leave or quit. Is it because I don’t care or I’m not a caring person? Maybe that has some truth in different ways. There are many things I care about and have cared about during my lifetime. There are times I have been a caring person. Other times I didn’t want to care or did give up caring. At times caring has almost felt impossible. The sheer effort to care felt overwhelming to the point I simply wanted to quit.
When I combine those words, my head and my heart drift back to 2019. Specifically, when we made the decision to tuck out tails and quit the life we tried to create in Iowa and return to Texas. That quitting or leaving left me at the point of not caring about almost everything.
Our return to Texas had left our life tattered. We let go of lots of thing. Some of those were important. Many of our possessions were lost in transit by our movers. They have never been found. Some those items were precious and priceless. It left me tattered. Our Christmas tree looked tattered and empty without the ornaments my Grandma had crocheted years ago. My heart was broken and tattered about the loss of those ornament.
Through the all the leaving, quitting, caring or not caring and tattered pieces of this life, I have survived and learned much. Do I wish I could re-do some decisions? Absolutely! Can I? Well, like everyone else who ponders that question, the answer is always no. But healing happens in the going forward and learning to grateful in the pain and struggle.
Blessings, Carrie
Barb Hegreberg says
The #write28days challenge was hard for me too. Especially coming off of Bloganuary.
How are you doing with your WOTY – rooted. I bet you have already excperinece some amazing things.
I found you via the One Word 2022 FB group.